I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
Randomize
