Fuck. sleeping in my sisters room again I heard zombie noises outside my window
i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
We had sex in his tahoe, talked about how we don't love each other and then high fived twice. Best Day Ever
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
The best part is that he made someone stop their workout to take pictures of him, specifically so he could put them on facebook. That is an unparalleled level of douchebaggery.
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
Do you know how difficult it is to give head to someone who's imitating Forrest Gump?
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
He stopped mid-sex to read the subtitles on a Korean movie we had playing in the background.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
You took one look at him and said "let's hope I don't remember this tomorrow" then you took another shot and chased it with a beer.. I guess it was a success.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
i swear a herd of elephants who like to smoke weed lives directly above our room
I just saw puke on the road at the same stoplight i threw up at sunday morning! Makes me smile inside.
Randomize
