margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Just dunked an oreo in a white russian. Trying to think of a better experience in my life and failing.
Not gonna happen. She just told me she puts glitter over the mole on her nose to make it look like a piercing.
Some girl in the stall next to me just yelled "fuck yes i started my period!" she came out of the stall and we high fived. who am i to judge? i do that every month.
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
Yes, she gives me platonic blowjobs as part of our friendship.
My favorite bartender added me on Facebook. Now he can clearly see how under 21 I am
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Tune in tm morning for how to buy Plan B in a foreign country while coming down off ecstasy
1. Everyone on the 1st and 3rd floor heard you. 2. The 3rd floor vibrates when we have sex. 3. The 1st floor can hear the bed squeak.
Already drunk, almost got in a fight with a bunch of irish chicks. And another with canadians. On my way to get a tattoo. I plan to regret this trip.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
