So shortly after drunk sex...she starts crying and saying..." you don't care about me, you never do anything nice for me" so I called her a cab
my little sister told my dad she found willy wonka's golden ticket in the backseat of my car. now my dad knows my boyfriend uses magnums.
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
i can't tell if you're serious or not, but 420 is gonna be pirate themed
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
Whatever, the fact of the matter is that I saved you from poorly planned outdoor sex by doing a rain dance and you should totally thank me.
I'm sorry the first time we hungout you had to witness me throw up in the ocean then army crawl to shore.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
Selling drugs in raindeer antlers is the best way to spread christmas cheer
I can't stop drooling did you spike my drink?
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
Go to the bar. Find a girl. Ask if she can cook. Tell her you have a guitar at home. Ask her if she wants to see it. Bring her home. Sleep with her. Tell her it's your birthday in the morning. Enjoy your made with lust breakfast.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
he invited me over. we listened to jazz, smoked weed, then cerebrally fucked each other over a three hour game of chess
Randomize
