i feel like a thai whore the morning after the navy left.
holy crap !! There is a MIDGET FAMILY in one of my rooms today !
How much trouble would you get into if you were to stomp down the hallway while loudly saying 'Fe Fi Fo Fum...'
Pls stop me from telling anyone else my broken blood-vessel + splint are "climax-related" injuries.
remember what we learned. dont lure girls w/ food at the bar. u dont want those ones
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
After 13 tally marks I wrote the number 4,000 and made u sign my arm to prove it.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
I swear to God, if you drunkenly correct my grammar one more time, I'm cutting you off.
I have a friend that keeps saying he wants to go bear hunting. Thought I would say just walk down church street at night. What intersection is it?
For our final psych experiment, we're conditioning Tim to hump the nearest inanimate object and/or person every time he hears a Ke$ha song
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
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