I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
The last thing I remember is trying to split my bridesmaid dress down the back like the incredible hulk.
and you succeeded.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
In the bath trying to absorb water through my skin because I can't drink it.. That hungover
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
I was totally pumped and so was my beard
I can no longer play with you. I puked on my feet in the shower. I'm too old for this.
I woke up and finished the bottle like a champ
Chili is not acceptable fuck buddy food.
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
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