No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
so the weed I found in my fridge is actually lettuce. tell jim I need that 5 bucks after all
there's nothing like that first "just failed out of my program" beer
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
Remind me to never go to the bar with your Asian friends again. I need to be able to read or pronounce what I'm drinking.
Is it bad when your hot neighbor is crying on her porch, and your 2nd thought is "maybe her boyfriend cheated on her and she'll want to fuck me for revenge sex?"
Perfectly normal.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
And at least you didn't have a dinner of Ranch Pringles and Double Stuff Oreos. I forgot that part of being single.
You never know how much you love your bed until you sleep with 4 other people in your car.
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
He literally just peed in a trash can in our room. It didn't even have a bag in it
You were supposed to catch herpes, not feelings!!!
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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