i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
It's called 'beer pong' not 'everclear and coke pong' for a reason...
im just sayin im driving an hr to pick her up, just cause shes your gf doesnt mean i shouldnt be entitled to a bj
How in the hell did I take a shot of whiskey to the eyeball last night?
Her throat is strong enough to gargle peanut butter. I'm sure you were satisfied.
Was my shirt on fire at any point last night? Because I'm fairly sure my shirt was on fire.
Ah. Hot spring. Infinitely less skeevy than a hot tub. These North Carolinian dudes are all class.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
Is this like a preordered booty call?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Its the damn oven. I think it wants to eat me.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
You’re better off without him. Actually, he’s better off without you and that’s what really matters
Randomize
