it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
You're earring is so big in my mouth
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
The good news is the house is clean, the bad news is someone redecorated the bonus room by spray painting "free willy" on the wall in honor of the girl who passed out in there last night.
Oh God! I'm naked from the waist down playing records. Too drunk. I don't even know what to do.
Balls out but with a shirt on. Eating ravioli. I don't know how to deal with this.
The cop told us he we helped him pass his monthly bong quota. He almost ran out of room on the hood of his car..
I posted her number in the m4m casual encounters area of Craigslist.
I guess her always saying "gay men love me!" will finally get put to the test.
Steaks?
It's Ash Wednesday.
If you really think that not eating meat on a weeknight is going to keep you out of hell, fine. Can I use that chimichurri you made?
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
Are you drunk texting me again or are you just being your regular stupid self?
yes
At one point I was counting his nipple hairs to calm myself down.
idk what happened last night but i just wokeup with nothing on but a necklace...what is this, the fucking titanic?
I'm both gender and math confused
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