she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
Found him. He was passed out on the couch at the new place in a room full of burnt pizza smoke.
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
im about 40 per cent sure i invited the bouncer to our pajama party next weekend...
The bouncer at this strip club is my new best friend. He is also very persuasive. He got me to strip onstage for a t shirt. It's a nice shirt.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I'm sitting at dinner with my family looking over sexts. The thirst is far too real. They're talking about retail and I'm like haha, yes, you are all correct.
In all fairness that 65 year old man looked 23 in club lighting so you can fuck right off
Thank god he came over. I had to have some good sex to makeup for all the bad sex I've been having.
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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