she takes plan B like it's going out of style
She went dumpster diving. Found flourescent light bulbs, carpet samples and $15. We got a bottle of Popov, played star wars and threatened random people with the carpet. Get on our level.
She just tried to snort granola up her nose but its ok she's not bleeding.
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
Well, I told him that it's not all about him. Then I gave him the best blow-job in the history of blow-jobs.
Tbh I would eat a grilled cheese off your dick.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
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