Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
you didnt know i had herpes?
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
Yea...coming from the girl who didn't understand why m&ms and tequila wasn't a "suitable diet"
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Found him fucking some random drunk chick in the bathrrom at the blue lep with a beer in each hand. had to give him props.
Oh my God. He stopped counting at 22.. His senior year. I feel the STDs infecting my taint as we speak.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Considering showing up at your house with coronas. I'll be wearing a sombrero and that's it.
Party city is having a sale on maracas
Welcome to drunk texts. Live from Margaritaville, it's Saturday night!!!
I just conveyed my whole sex life to my mom over voicemail. Anddd, I'm hammered.
Top night. Top night.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I can't remember what I did last night, but judging from the state of my hair I had a pretty good time.
Randomize
