I think men at large are the problem in most or all relationships. It's like trying to drag a three-legged retarded puppy through an obstacle course
im shaking like a drug addict and i almost just shat my pants when i sneezed...no more patron for me
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
There still is not and there never will be anything as magical as getting high while listening to William Shatner's version of Bohemian Rhapsody.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
My arms in a cast, how am I supposed to have sex with only one hand?
more importantly I need two hands to eat pie
Is it unhealthy for me to do shots of pinnacle by myself in my apartment right now? Asking for a friend
I accidentally stubbed my dick
What does that even mean?
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