she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
Give me one situation where peeing in your garage could be a bad idea
Just met a girl...She is complaining why on facebook you can't have more then one "open relationship"
I dont know how i feel about her from a moral standpoint...
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Life is my bitch right now. The bouncers tried to carry me out of the club, but everyone thought I was crowd surfing so everyone carried me BACK IN. Winning as fuck.
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
I think I ingested my vampire fangs last night.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
You peed in a public fountain and then felt bad so you put dish soap in it; 4 ft tall bubbles.
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
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