yeah worst sex in my life. plus i think her little brother was in the room.
Should I have kids to fix a relationship??
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Ah, I knew it wouldn't be long before my boobs were introduced into the conversation.
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
woke up holding a soft boiled egg cup and empty bottle of rum. apparently i couldn't find a shot glass
Ok well hopefully you're not staging an intervention for me at your place because I'm bringing beers
Anyhow, I am sorry for being obnoxious about wanting more sex and forcing you to eat lunchmeat off of my ginormous nipples. I knew that you weren't going to succumb to my pushy demands
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
I wanna borrow his axe at this point and cut my head open just to relieve some pressure
He caught a Pokemon on my head while I sucked him off. I think I need to marry him.
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
don't worry dude i have your phone, text me when youre gonna come get it
Randomize
