Remember that time I came into your room after taking a muscle relaxant and we argued about what state has the longest coastline?
i can barely afford taco bell don't think a baby is in the budget
they came at us with fireworks while we were skinny dipping in her jacuzzi at 4 am...
As long as he sees me topless I don't care. Redemption. REEEDDDEMMMPPPTTIIIOOONNNNN
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
I don't see what kind of idea someone could get from an envelope covered in jesus stickers and a note from a person and their dog. I'd say crazy person alert before flirting.
How am I supposed to stop smoking pot when girl scout cookies are being sold.
I'm sooo hungover. I fell asleep on top of a car in a parking lot last night. New one to add to the list.
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Yeah man i woke up and only had a Jimmy John's wrapper covering myself..
U know when u get really drunk and u don't think anyone can see what your doing? If I'm that drunk the possibilities are endless
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
THEIR PENISES MATCH. I JUST REALISED THAT. THEY HAVE IDENTICAL DICKS. OH GOD.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
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