He said he's was gunna give me some pain meds. I'm not sure what they are but I just gave him a thumbs up
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
His dick was so bent it was like fucking captain hook's hand for 2 hours
You slapped my ass and yelled "HOOTY TOOTY WHAT A BOOTY" in a Schwarzenegger voice
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
JUST DENIED A NEW YEARS KISS BECAUSE HE WAS A COWBOYS FAN.
Its okay I found my bra. ...it was on your cat. I wont ask questions.
I don't have a cat..?
So the next time I search for "Dragon Dildo" on my phone, I should probably clear the browser before handing my phone to someone and that's the first thing they see haha
if you didn't cry because you couldn't find me and then pee your bed, your wingman status would totally be revoked for leaving me at that party.
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
