we should go somewhere reaaaaaal shady
Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You destroyed the landscape if my vagina FOREVER.
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
i've created a new STD.
I just ordered 30 klonopins from India that could probably be anything from Viagra to Midol. You need to find another friend to get advice from right now
"what's it like being a dancer turned stoner" well, i can change the netflix using my feet mid bongrip, so there's that.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
Randomize
