Just saw cops pull over the ice cream truck. What a dick
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
she told me i tasted like america
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
I'm gonna go out on a limb and say it had something to do with pool sex.
When they say "all expenses paid" does that include bail?
This guy just told me he wanted to bathe in bong water with me and then tried to lick my nipple through my bra. This could be love.
Dancing naked to Celine dion - im alive. No better way to start the day
The best part is every argument that she makes from here on out will be refuted by "Oh hey remember that time you shit yourself wearing someone else's sweatpants at a frat party?"
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
I forgot how weird my hair bleaches and now I'm a calico
You can wake up to my rainbow of failure
He's a prodigy! It would be a service to the scientific community.
15 is 15
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
THERE IS A BABY THAT ISN'T MINE THAT'S GOING TO HEAR ME BEING SEXED!
Randomize
