pissed the bed twice, first one side then rolled over , other side. boom.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So im walking through ohare and this guy walks by with a cart full of big bottles of liquor. I want to know what flight hes on.
He had the Transformers symbol tattooed to his chest. We had to do it doggy style so I could laugh into my pillow instead of his face.
MISSING: One left eyebrow. Reward if returned.
Ohhh,that's true. Babies are only fun when you're high. Otherwise, they're the worst kind of people.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm making a quesadilla and including it in the picture because that's the only way I think I can send her dick pics.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
Other than unclothed paranormal encounters, how has your day been
i have a serious question for you... Why I am i not wearing any pants?
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize
