the red head has a bf
just because there's a goalie doesn't mean u can't score
i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i can't believe i had a foursome before a threesome
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
90% sure you snuck in there somewhere, all I really remember is big boobs in my face so I'm assuming it was you.
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
I think the 8 yr old is hitting on me and they just prayed for the salvation of third world countries
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
The nun costume is coming back hard and it still has glitter and the smell of Vegas on it.
Best. Text. Ever.
My poor liver. I drank enough on NYE to sustain an alcohol addiction for the entirety of 2015.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
You just kept telling everyone to call you MFT.. Mother Fucking Tornado.
Randomize
