My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
They found a chair, duct taped me to it, then gave me a bottle of vodka to 'make me feel at home'
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
You left for an hour, then walked up to us at the bar, pulled 80 dollars out of your bra and yelled " drinks are on him".
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
He's telling everyone that the only reason he's at this party is to hook up with me. SOS HELP.
I think I may be the only girl in the world that can say she has fallen asleep grasping a penis..... 3 different times...... 3 different penises
He just walked in the house and decided to wake everyone up by yelling "I SHIT MYSELF!" We all thought he was joking....we were all wrong.
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Just check with her if girls can get blown, that's all.
For whatever reason, whenever she's drunk off Crown, all she wants to do is jerk me off with her feet.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
Apparently last night I was doing back bends for the guy making my easy mac because clearly it wasn't easy enough for me.
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