So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
If I were a woman I'd fill my water bra with liquor so that I could sip on it throughout the day.
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
im probably the most hungover person watchin icarly right now
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
he stopped talking to me after i tried to use his body as a surf board
I misjudged the power of my pelvic thrusting capabilities. His nose is broken. Thoughts?
Just had sex in the darkroom, while a class was going on ten feet away. I finally have a good sex story.
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
It was fine. Until I accidentally shit on his floor.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
If I lock her out of the apartment right now would the neighbors have grounds to sue?
Randomize
