and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
There are too many people on this bus for it to be even REMOTELY okay that I'm wearing a puke covered sweater
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
It's hard to be judgmental of others when you are wearing silver pleather.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Crawl out into the sunshine and off your vibrator for 7 minutes
you can see where the duct tape was on my nipple
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