i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
so i decided not to tell her that her fiance is cheating since i already bought the bridesmaid dess
You kept buying everyone Washington apple shots, and telling us we needed to support local produce.
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Sometimes you just need a break, and sometimes you also need to get stoned on these breaks. I sound like some kind of fucked up mr rogers when I say shit like that.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
think I signed up for a 5k last night while blackout.
After the apocalypse all we'll have is vodka and twinkles.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
No one should have to go to work between Christmas and New Years, but here I am twirling in my office chair and putting Jack in my coffee like I’m back in college studying for finals.
Totally writing my paper on the toilet. Makes me miss you.
Just fell out of the attic onto the garage floor. Okay but might go for an x ray. Smashed one of the kitchen drawers to bits.
Holy Shit Mom
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
