I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
trust me, there is no more disappointing feeling in the world than waking up at 4 in the morning with a random half naked chick in your bed and then realizing your roommates girlfriend just wandered into the wrong room.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
YOU ARE SO GOD DAMN LOUD AND YOU'RE SHAKING THE GOD DAMN HOUSE. FUCKING STOP.
Eye drops are like seatbelts of being high. Think about it
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
Pretty sure I just scored Election Day sex based on the theory that if either of these fools win the world as we know it is over so we might as well get a few orgasms in...
Randomize
