Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
i found your underwear in my bra... i dont even remember how this happened.
shit. all i remember is the look on your moms face.
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
My fuck buddy took time out of his date with his girlfriend to text me happy Valentines Day.
but you must be fair and judge his penis by normal penis standards and not let your vision be clouded by the rare gem of a penis you have recently encountered
She said she wants to move in with me. Time to black out and act as if we never had this conversation.
How are you a firefighter? People actually trust you with their lives??
He's getting Easter eggs filled with weed or Jell-O shots for his birthday
Apparently it's not a "bonding moment" when you realize you use the same porn site as your boyfriend
I definitely don't have enough experience with hookers to be in this group text anymore.
My dog just ran downstairs with my vibrator in her mouth... during my dad's birthday dinner.
what do u think we would be doing right now if we were together
Urinating on unicorns
Randomize
