You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
She just cut the six pack plastic up and screamed "save the dolphins"..she also threw away cans of tuna. I like this girl.
I know it's early but when you wake up can you please validate my life and tell me I'm not just a drunk idiot.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
Some lady just walked up to me in the bar and proclaimed that I looked like a "shady motherfucker." Can't argue with that one.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Accidentally searched up "pizza pasties" instead of "pizza pastries". I was not disappointed.
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
Sex was followed by homemade breadsticks. I waited till after the breadsticks were gone to tell her i had a gf.
Randomize
