i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
giving yourself 2 days to recover i see
I'll need it. Largely because i'm going to be stumbling through fancy restaurants with a bottle of whiskey insulting couples all night.
Just walked by a yard full of girls wearing bikinis. I did my best to stare.
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
is it too much to get a jumbo margarita in a sippy cup right now?
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
FACE TIME HER WHILE YOU GUYS BANG
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
The progression was banging a stripper banging an unemployed stripper banging a sexual entrepreneur quarantining with benefits totally fucking whipped. Get it right dude
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