Nights like last night are what makes cleaning up the vomit in the morning worth it
When She took off her bra.... A tube of lipgloss, her phone, I.D. And a wad of twenties fell out.... I'm officially no longer a butt man
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
I met her dad while holding 4 empty beer bottles at the opera house. I think I made a hell of an impression.
The cops said we could pay $250 or spend the night in jail and get 2 free meals. I might pee in mail-boxes more often
He waited until after foreplay to tell me that he didn't have a condom and "we" would just have to settle for a bj tonight...
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
Let's play, "guess how long my Neighbours have been watching me dance naked".
How does one chug a beer and swing the bottle at someone in a single motion? This guys a beer ninja man
I honestly feel really bad for any girl with a period that lasts more than a day
Everything about that text makes me want to throttle you and cry
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
What do you mean not that crazy? I had sex last night. with my\nBOSS. in the restaurant where we WORK.... ON A DINNER TABLE.
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
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