I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
I feel that the whole multiple orgasm thing is god's way of saying "sorry for the childbirth deal"
Okay you totally passed out. Ask me about the bike parking garage and the expired baby formula in the morning.
Yes perhaps we are both wrong. And did you call me bj girl?
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
I noticed a trail of vomit coming up the drive way. You must be home
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Why do guys insist on chatting me up this early in the morning? I'm just like "Dude, I look like the bastard child of Einstein and a troll doll. Let me eat my Hot Pocket in peace."
I told her I was going to sleep early last night. I probably should not have sent that snapchat of us playing beer pong.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
He nicknamed his dick "the fountain of youth" I think it's time to move on...
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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