Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
Note to self... Do not stick your head in a can of paint and try to paint the walls green with your hair
Why did you send me 12 pictures in a row of your expressionless face at 2:30 am?
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
maybe facebook could make a notification like "someone tagged a photo of that guy you used to bang and still think is really hot with his shirt off"
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
My Sexting was not on an AP level
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
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