You're in luck. The brownies don't even have butter, just vege oil
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
Hey thanks again for rolling me that blunt necklace. It was amazing.
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
He completely dissapeared at the baseball game. We found him passed out at the hotel three hours later with souviner photos of himself at the top of the Sears Tower.
I was preparing to do my walk of shame shirtless, but then I found my sweater, wallet and keys neatly piled under a tree in the park.
I can't wait for the 4th. I'll probably get drunk and end up puking all over whichever 18 year old I end up making out with.
20 bottles of wine, 3 cases or beer, and 5 bottles in my kitchen... My parents are teasing me.
It's not my fault you have a job and can't get drunk on Tuesday's. Don't take your frustrations out on me!
We don't watch enough power rangers
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
I look like a bag of dicks so if you could ugly yourself up that'd be great.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
The last thing I remember is trying to chug the rest of the everclear, running through a fence, and laying down in the snow. I hurt.
Randomize
