so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
What should our trivia night team be named?
Define Statutory
His second form of ID was an emergency room wristband from an hour ago. What the fuck is going on right now
Haha yeah he had an allergic reaction to the alcohol earlier. He thinks that if he only drinks vodka he will be ok...
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
It's not really that big. Girls just think it feels big. It's a cocktical illusion.
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
It's like a double rainbow in both sides of the sky mixed with The Jeffersons.
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
I woke up in a bush somewhere in Tucson with a full suit on. Great way to end my birthday.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
