Ryan Reynolds porn could be a WMD. Have a giant TV on the front of your tank, and just drive around playing it. Everyone dies of orgasm overload.
That's it. Iraq is done. Everyone dies, game over man.
I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Just once id like to sleep with a man who i havent thrown up on
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
Hey, i turned the toilet into a water fountain. Drink up.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
No! Last time I got hit with a beer bottle
Haha, Tuesday man
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
You're at a grade school volley ball game with a yeti of tequila. You've passed extra
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
