OKAY SO WHENEVER I SEE AN UGLY COUPLE I ALWAYS WONDER WHAT THEY SAY TO EACH OTHER IN BED. creepy?
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I was scared of Debbie's boobs today. They were all huge and scary looking
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Of course I was flustered, I had a lot of penis in my face.
No mixer. Vodka in yogurt?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Just saw you drinking out of a flask on national tv. I've never been more proud of you
I remember you licked my face and said that's all you're getting
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
The worst thing about buying this extremely comfortable bed is that once I get a girl into it, all she wants to do is sleep. I want my fucking money back.
all I want for my birthday is booze and sex toys. don't bother calling if neither of those are included.
Randomize
