Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
EVERYONE CAN HEAR YOU FUCKING YOU ARE IN A TENT
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
I think I'm making a tradition of going to every funeral with at least one sex-related bruise. I don't know how this happened.
Oh my god there are animals here. There are actusal animals trying to get him. A giraffe is trying to get in. A giraffee is trying to get in. Is ridiculouss.
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
Randomize
