just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
I had the spins so badly it was like I was having sex with 2 girls
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
BABIES FOR EVERYONE. I'd be like Oprah except with babies
The plan was to get laid... Now the plan is to survive.
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
You need to get out of there before he falls in love with you.
Ooooh no. Jesus take the wheel, or Moses. SOMEBODY TAKE THE WHEEL
Oh the sweet dreamless sleep of drugs
You? On what? Why?
Randomize
