At what point in time did you decide the pot head with Taco Bell was more important than all your friends.
At about the same time you guys weren't burritos.
VITAMINS IN VODKA. IM NOT LYING.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
Thanks for not stopping me when I decided to call my mom at 2 in the morning to ask her where I was born
i was driving around baked, windows down jamming to third eye blind and eating grapes for 35 minutes before i remembered why i left my house
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I am sending my doctor an XXXMas card thanking him for my tits!
Just traded a shot of whiskey for a warm PBR on public transit. It's that's sort of night already.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
Please tell me that all of the things I remember doing last night didn't really happen. Please.
I think i'm the first person to get kicked out of a club while completely sober. Come outside please!!
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
Someone just asked me if I was chewing red hot gum.... I'm LITERALLY SWEATING OUT FIREBALL.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
