I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
Don't feel obligated to get back to me but I think I just fell in love with a middle aged waitress at the Dennys in waco. She's used but in good condition.
Never name a vibrator after ashton kutcher
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
weed salsa. i deserve a nobel prize
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
He's got a southern drawl and a lisp. I'm getting mindfucked right now.
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Medically speaking as your gynecologist and your girlfriend, that is not a rash.
And we're breaking up
The last person that asked me out got pushed down an escalator
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
Being home for break is weird, just had a full convo with my dad about what I wanted for dinner, while a dildo was on top of me under my comforter
His exact words: "I don't have anything you can't treat with antibiotics."
Almost gave myself a concussion stealing a stuffed unicorn hanging on a street sign but hey I got home safe
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