oh man you're gonna hate me when you log onto facebook. remember i love you
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
Good call on the strip club last night. Everytime i smell some flowery candle or air freshener I get transported back to having my face firmly planted in Riah and Desire's tits.
You're welcome.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I know you`re my best friend, but when i wake up with this bad of a hangover and no memories of last night, i dont want to see your tits ad my background.
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
i'm now remembering the last part of my nigght....ugh. apperently i bargained with the wendys drive up girl after they closed and got "w/e they had left" for $7
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Randomize
