I'd wear matching sweaters with you
That's not ass to mouth..... That a rim job!! Are you telling me she licked your asshole?!
I just did something awful... i just had to tell someone... i just used my brothers electric face cleaner as a vibrator
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
I needed that adderall to break my tradition of passing out at the bar on Sundays
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
I'm eating a subway sandwich in the bathtub because I don't want to move. God bless boys from Brooklyn
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
When she's hammered the amount of alliteration that comes out of her mouth is amazing.
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
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