Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
My dad just called from upstairs on the house phone to tell me to bring him a beer. You tell me how I am.
i would one night stand the shit outta him
it was like i was on a global safari of uncircumcised men
I am particularly sorry about getting dome in your backseat. And for thinking you wouldn't notice.
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Remember when we got high off our ass and you talked me into running in place then punched me in the face and said it was a wall?
Ya, you were bleeding for an hour and a half
I've finally become one of those chicks with a taco in her purse.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
