its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
omg kevin jonas gave his bride a glass slipper..could he be any gayer then he is now
he is so gay. he makes clay aiken look straight. what is wrong with the lady that married him? kevin must be envious of her balls
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
isnt it sad that we can reminisce about our childhood but we cant remember shit we did last month
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
Someone just asked me if ur the girl that fell through the floor. I HAD to say yes.
Apparently she buried shit in the snow back in January and now that it's melted I found a flip flop, 4 spoons, a bottle of smirnoff, and 14 different candy bars
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
Just got blown in a rental car. I need to get rear ended more often
I let a naked juice spill down my leg for like 30 minutes bc i thought i was hallucinating that my leg was cold.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
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