Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
I don't think I can fit "I'm sorry for ruining Christmas" on one cake. Better make two.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Day 8 of being sober: Sniffed an empty beer bottle at a restaurent and almost licked it. This is not working
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
I taught a straight girl about grindr today. She showed me tinder. It was like some sexual cultural exchange program
I tried to put my heels in the coat check
just said thank you to the lady who gave me a body search at the airport
well true... there's not a real discreet way to masturbate in public
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
Randomize
