Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
he pulled a hernia and i had to get the morning after pill. you tell me how our valentines day went.
I'm actually glad you're quitting. Now there's one less person at work who's seen me naked.
I wish i had more things to dip in ranch... That's the most stoner thing i've ever said
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
I'm sorry, the person you're trying to reach is WAYYY too high to deal with this right now.
Sending emails to my new boss whilst unable to move from the toilet seat because of alcohol. Great start to a new job as a school counselor.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
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