im about as happy as oj after his trial
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
then out of nowhere we heard a voice yell "Fuck that pussy!"
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
This dude is being a total douche
Just because it's Christmas Eve does not mean the liquor store has to give you a free bottle of peppermint schnapps
She asked me to go inside, make myself a drink and slip into something a little more naked.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
There is no try. Just do it. Yoda said that. Or Nike. I can't remember. whiskey
Is there a reason there's a dick print on my seventh-story window?
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Do you think next time you could control the yawn? Kind of a buzzkill to be mid-orgasm and see you yawning over there.
My heart feels like a grape in a barrel about to be crushed into wine
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
drunkkkkk be here I heart you
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