I just didn't expect you to be so naked....
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
That's saying a lot from the girl who takes her liquor with her to the library
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
There's nothing like telling your girl to hold your pants while peeing on your neighbors door
they set my background as his mugshot to remind me "having a big penis won't be a valid excuse in a court room."
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
are you still up? I want to use you for sexual things. you have 35 minutes to respond to this offer.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Randomize
