Who has a tranny cab driver? I have a tranny cab driver.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
i'll get you drunk even if i have to inject alcohol into your arm through an IV
you're the only one i would trust to do that
Adderal just makes me love life. I want to do so much. I just can't stop thinking about all the wonderful opportunities we have and how lucky we are and I want to make a difference in the world. I just have to reign in my brain and convince it that changing the world starts with a college degree, which depends on studying for these finals.
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
Look on the bright side: Now that I'm sleeping with both the exs it's good bye to drunk sexting the 'wrong one'.
Got drunk and passed out flintstone vitamins to everyone at the bar. I'm just so god damn motherly
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Scientific fact: if he makes a face like a demonic dog when he's fucking you, makes it easier to fuck without feelings.
I want to respect them as people, but really I just want to have sex with them.
During my first week as an adjunct prof, I played a fiercely fought game of squash with a law student and we wound up having hot, sweaty, angry sex right on the floor of the court. She is either the best or worst thing to happen to my academic career. Will let you know.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
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