I feel like i just miscarried Jesus's baby...
Let's perk you up. I have a good PG joke and a picture of my penis while urinating. You pick.
but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
She forgot my birthday again. How do you forget something that came out of your vagina???
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I can neither confirm or deny any bear related allegations right at this time.
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
Given he decided my interview was a date, showed up drunk and insisted on carrying me everywhere, we weren't off to a good start.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
I have just received a gold-medal-deserving sext. He wrote me a fucking novel. Not only am I incredibly turned on but I am beyond impressed. He is the sext god. I must bow to him.
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
Randomize
